According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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