do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize