I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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