She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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