Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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