Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize