tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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