You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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