Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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