I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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