I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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