How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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