Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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