I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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