break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize