What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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