every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize