Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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