I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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