he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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