If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize