Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize