Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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