i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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