I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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