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in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Randomize
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