My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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