When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize