shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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