I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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