He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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