i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And then he peed in my hair
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