The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize