How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize