Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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