i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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