i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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