just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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