I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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