is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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