Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize