you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize