I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize