I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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