she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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