It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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