we have pet lesbian snakes
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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