why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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