I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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