Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize